Translation Check by Chrouya
Script: HDxD 12[edited].ass
Workraw: Hdxd 12 WR.avi
* Asterisks implying comments*

2
The power that currently flows in you is not genuine.
*"not real" sounds as if it is fake. The Red Dragon says it's not at its true power yet. Edit?
Also, I believe the power flows from inside him*

7
You are more than one who just harbours the dragons.
*ijou = more than, mi ni yadosu "to keep in your body"*

16
Just show them what dragons are made of.
*this is rather a editor's problem, not for the TLC. The TL is correct: he does say "the existence of dragons."
Maybe this TL I gave makes it a bit more correct in context.*

19
The /Welsh Dragon/,
*This is his dragon title. Italic it, maybe*

20
the Crimson Emperor Dragon, Ddraig.
*and his aliases. Maybe make this connected sentence better by adding "also known as"?*

22
*the original sentence is not "I am right beneath you" , it is "I am the one who is your left hand" (omae no hidari te ni iru mono da)*
*That makes this alternative sentence correct*

34
*I'd change this sentence so it connects to the next one...and if so, the next sentence is not capitalized.*
To think she'd voluntarily admit her loss...

36
It's because [...]
*She explicitly adds these connecting words*

37
I don't really remember what happened back then...
*It's not a question*

41
That's enough.
*punctuation error*

56
I'm sorry, President!
*punctuation?*

57
Aim to be the strongest Pawn.
*this is not a question, again*

59
You are my cute little slave, after all.
*~da mono="after all"*

63
It appears you do not consent.
*To what Rias did in the battle...| please edit to make this more fitting in context?*

65
This decision in the match was something she wished for herself.
*a literal translation of the first part, but you have to add "herself" at the end (go-honnin)
It feels like she just wanted to lose to begin with otherwise."

66
I understand...I really do.
*connect these two sentences*

68
The President, who unwillingly has to abide nothing but the things her parents have decided on...
*literal translation, sounds more badass and grammatically readable*

83
*somewhat literally; "What's up, all of a sudden?" *

85
You were out for two days straight, after treatment. [...]
*the words " after treatment"  were omitted*

{
111
*...buchou-san...President-san~~ [disregard this]*
}

114
You're the only one I can ask. Please.
*omission of the last "tanomu" he says.*

120
*I'm hearing something else here but I can't figure out. Leaving it like this.*

126
This area is prohibited for men.
*obviously. you might want to swap the sentence: for females only.*

139
The wedding ceremony will have a dress of uncomparable quality.
*or use superlatives (eg. most proper)*
140
*yes it's about the dress. This sentence is so long...I tried matching the connected parts of the sentence.*
Hell's best devotedly arranged gorgeous design with wings of flame, according to our Phenex clan's traditions!

141
*I'm not so known with this construction. After a bit of research, the literal sentence is:
You can already sense his bad tastes from hearing him.
*Take your pick. Also, maybe bad tastes sounds a bit softer than fetishes*

142
*context: ok, you don't need a TL note for that.*
*literally: "As expected from a parvenu/jumped-up person" which means someone who doesn't act like a high-class person, even if he's one.*

149
I even wished to leave you out of actual combat...
*jissenkeiken datte kaimu ni shite hoshii no ni, literally:
I even hope you have nothing of actual fighting experience...*

151
[...] you fool.
*be sure to add "you fool" here, or else the next sentence makes no sense.*

161
She has probably forgotten that it was broadcasted.
*I prefer the word broadcasting here. Also, I'm not sure if it was conveniently, it's not in the TL, and she's quite dumb...*

163
Disregarding the result however, the match was unrivaled.
*sounds more logical in the context*

164
I mean...it was more than clear to everyone.
*translating iya(no), as in "I mean"(correcting her statement) sounds better in context*
*soreijou = more than*
*should I use anyone here instead?*

189
You're late.
*She was waiting for this to happen. "osoi" = late*

197
Lady Rias, just what is this?

236
Wealth? Or maybe a beauty?
*at least enter a space there*

257
But I will become the strongest Pawn!
*not just wanting*

262
This is /Dragon/ power!
*ryuu-kei: dragon-style*

265
*no problem*

266
Even now it's a foul practice...
*also fine, but it's about "right now" (imaima)*

279
Take this!
*you needn't be picky with this one. "kore ha dou", literally " How about this!" *

284
The male and female Firebird
*hinotori (the male Firebird) to houou (the female Firebird goddess)*

285
The gorgeous splendours of the Phenex Clan...
*this has to become plural*

286
Accept them with your body and burn to ashes!
*again plural. Also, I believe "burn to ashes" is also in plural, normally*

286
You're just trash without your Boosted Gear!
*again, not a question*

324
Drill Spinner!
* i have no clue as well... Drill Spinner, sounds more accurate? And...stronger than Dream Finger ^^;*

388
It's a gryphon.
*be hipster, use gryphon..Or griffin. *

418
Kamen Rider Kimchee, morning start-up!
*yes...*

423
Are you okay with someone like me?
*this sentence is typically in Japan*